(Note: This letter will be separated into two distinct letters for a reason that will become more evident as you read)
I can never thank you enough. You’ve been there for me through so much, and you’ve always held out hope for me. You’ve watched over me through my darkest struggles and you never once gave up on me. You’ve loved me since day one and there hasn’t been a day you’ve stopped. Mom, without you, I wouldn’t be as strong in my faith as I am, and I can say that without a doubt in my mind. You did the best with what you had, and thus far you’ve succeeded I’d say. Mom, thank you for always being there for me and helping me as I grew up, especially when life made me grow up faster than I was ready for. You were one of the biggest reasons I was able to get through the roughest moments in my life alive.
I could never express my love enough,
I just don’t get it. Whoever you are, and wherever you are I just don’t get it. You had the chance. You were given the choice, given the option, and you walked away. How is that fair? How is it fair that you can go on living life without a regret while I live each day trying to find ways to fill this void I was left with. How is it fair that while you’re off living your life, I’m stuck here hindered by the pain I’ve been put through. All the guilt, all the sorrow, all the pain and for what cause? No matter how much I hurt, no matter how much I am pained, I can know one thing: It hasn’t, and will never, made any difference to you. Whether you’re the one I thought you were, or the one I’ve hoped you’re not, the hardest thing I’ll ever have to go through in life is trying to forgive you. I try everyday, but it’s so hard. Waking up every morning, carrying the burden of hate for someone you’ve never met.
Sadly, you’ve shaped me to be who I am. You’ve left thumbprints all over my life. You’re half of my gene pool. You’re the reason I’m afraid of growing up. You make me feel sorry for things I have no control over. I hope one day to be able to have some sort of contact, some sort of a relationship with you. But don’t worry, I don’t have my hopes too high.
Thanks for nothing,